


all of my regrets

by LtTanyaBoone



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: F/F, Future Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-02
Updated: 2014-04-02
Packaged: 2018-01-17 23:29:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1406548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LtTanyaBoone/pseuds/LtTanyaBoone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"The pain she feels right now is one of immense loss, one she took years to suppress and one she probably shouldn’t even feel. Because she was the one who walked away." Cophine future AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	all of my regrets

**Disclaimers:** Orphan Black, the rights to the show and its characters do not belong to me. No money was made by this.  
 **Spoilers:** every spoiler released for S2 SO PROCEED WITH CAUTION  
 **Pairing:** Cosima Niehaus/Delphine Cormier future AU  
 **Rating:** FRT

* * *

It shouldn’t hurt so much.

Cosima can feel the nails of her fingers digging into the palms of her hands, but the pain she is feeling is a different one. It sits in her chest, presses on her lungs and makes it hard to breathe.

She thought she was save. After all that happened, she thought she’d finally managed to leave everything behind. As much as you can leave being a clone behind, as much as you can get over that when you’re in contact with like, five women who have your face (the same face, but always a different personality). And Cosima loves them, she loves Sarah and Alison and Hannah and Carrie and Joan, loves them like sisters and she would not change that for the world. And after how hard they fought, she finally feels like her life is hers, like her achievements only belong to her. Her doctorate and the teaching position and the lovely little apartment she owns. That’s hers, all of it, and no one will take that away from her.

No, the pain she feels right now is one of immense loss, one she took years to suppress and one she probably shouldn’t even feel. Because she was the one who walked away. Who left Delphine standing there in the pouring rain, left her to her own devices. Left Delphine to pick up the pieces of her life as Cosima was trying to do with her own.

So why on earth is the sight of her former lover showering an infant’s face with kisses and the baby laughing making Cosima feel like someone just pulled the ground from beneath her feet?

“Auntie Cosima!”

She quickly shakes her head and turns to look at her niece. Hannah’s daughter is four and a whirlwind that reminds Cosima more of Sarah than the girl’s quiet and pensive mother. It’s kinda like that nature versus nurture thing again, because even though everyone thinks of Sam as Hannah’s, they’re not biologically related.

“Yes, monkey?” she asks, letting Sam take her hand and pull her over to the swings. She feels the skin at the back of her neck heat up and burn with the feeling of being watched. It would have surprised her if Delphine hadn’t caught the name, Sam has no idea what an indoor voice is and never mind that they are outside in the sun.

She pushes Sam on the swings and listens to her tell her about kindergarten and her friends and Joey who’s a big meanie. Ignores the tickling behind her breastbone, the one that makes her want to turn around and run to Delphine. She made her choice years ago, now it’s time to stick to it. And really, Cosima is pretty sure that Delphine wouldn’t want anything else to do with her, anyway. She’s a reminder of a time in the other woman’s life that the blonde scientist probably wants to forget, forget really badly. No use in stirring up memories that are best left forgotten.

Her relief at finding Delphine gone from her place on the grass when Sam wants to play something else is short-lived, though, Cosima finds. Because sooner or later, her “niece” has to use the restroom. And if this were a movie or cheesy tv-show, Cosima would now be groaning loudly at the screen. What are the odds of finding your ex-girlfriend/ex-monitor in the restroom changing a diaper when your niece has to pee?

She wants to ignore her. Really. And she’s pretty certain that, much like before, Delphine didn’t notice her. She’s too focused on the child lying in front of her. But the way Delphine is cooing at the kid makes Cosima’s chest ache again. It reminds her of a time when she had to struggle for every breath she drew.

She’s still hopeless when it comes to French. Never bothered to learn it, especially not because there was no longer a reason to. There was no one around to whisper French words into her ear to make her fall asleep any longer, and Cosima didn’t see the need to torture herself. So she didn’t. But now she wishes she knew what Delphine was saying, because even without that added layer of understanding, the sight is a rather adorable one. And it would help confirm Cosima’s suspicion that Delphine is not randomly babysitting like her. There is so much love in her face that Cosima is pretty certain that the kid is hers and not that of a relative (Does Delphine even have relatives? Cosima never bothered asking and she never shared.).

“Done,” Sam declares, sticking out her tummy as she exits the stall so that Cosima can close the belt again. When she guides her niece over to the sinks, she looks in the mirror and catches Delphine’s eyes, the woman frowning briefly before she blushes at Cosima’s little wave.

“ _Alors, mon petit_ ,” she turns to the baby again and finishes redressing it. When she lifts it up, the child remains standing with her help, looking around before letting out a happy shriek, drawing a laugh from Delphine and prompting another kiss to be placed on its chubby cheek.

“Can I have ice cream?” Sam asks and Cosima frowns down at the child who’s tugging on her shirt. Apparently, she hasn’t been paying attention yet again.

“Nope,” she shakes her head, watching as Sam’s face falls. “Ice cream has milk in it,” she explains, “and your mother would kill me.”

“But-”

“We can see if they have slushies, though,” Cosima suggest and Sam’s eyes light up and she’s dragging her out the door before Cosima can react and wave at Delphine again.

* * *

“I’m sorry.”

Delphine looks up sharply from her plate, her jaw dropping.

“I promise I’m not stalking you,” Cosima adds, the hold on her tray tightening a little. Watches as the other woman swallows before motioning to the free chair at her table, a silent invitation.

“I didn’t know you work here,” Delphine says, casting a look around at the students and teachers getting their meals as Cosima slides into a free chair.

“Guest lecturer, I’m on loan for this semester,” Cosima shrugs, staring at her food. Suddenly, she’s lost her appetite, thanks to the big lump now in her throat. But when she saw Delphine sitting there, she couldn’t just walk past and find another place to sit. Maybe that’s another point on the growing list why she really is a masochist, but the other woman looked so alone and sad-

“You?” Cosima asks before she can think too much about why on earth she is sitting at the table as the woman she left years ago. There are things better left undisturbed, and her feelings are definitely amongst those.

“Pascal works here,” Delphine says, a blush creeping up her cheeks as Cosima’s eyes dart to her hands. There is no wedding band, but the way Delphine said it practically screamed _BOYFRIEND_.

“We’re not… I mean, we were, but, it didn’t work out,” the blonde adds with a shake of her head. “His parents are wonderful, though, and they spoil Jean, and I-” she suddenly cuts herself off before drawing a slow breath. “I’m sorry, you probably don’t want to hear that.”

“Yeah, well, the baby’s kinda cute,” Cosima shrugs, watching a smile spread on Delphine’s face. She’s not lying, but what was really cute about that moment she saw in the restroom was Delphine interacting with her child.

“Thank you,” she smiles. “He’s wonderful. Unless he’s not,” she laughs before growing serious again, teeth flashing as she worries at her lip.

“Sam’s not mine, obvs,” Cosima volunteers, but keeping the identity of the girl’s mother hidden. She hasn’t mentioned running into Delphine to any of the others, isn’t sure if she should. Sarah would probably flip, not because of Delphine’s former place of employ, but because of how things ended between them. She’s the one who walked away, but Sarah always kinda chose to ignore that in favor of having one more thing against the French scientist.

“For a second, I didn’t think it was you,” Delphine admits, making Cosima’s eyes widen. She hasn’t changed that much, has she? Like, okay, she toned down a bit on the eyeliner, but never went for contacts.

“I mean, I heard her say your name, but I, I guess the hair threw me,” she adds and Cosima reaches up to run a hand through her curls. She lost the dreads a while after the break-up. Wanted a change, needed one, really. And it makes her look a bit more professional. Not that she thinks she needs it, at least not with her students. But science departments tend to look at how you’re presenting yourself before they hire you to teach at their schools and yeah.

“Yeah. Makes it easier to impersonate each other,” she deadpans and Delphine’s eyes widen before Cosima laughs. “Kidding.”

At that, Delphine chuckles and they smile at each other and Cosima can feel the butterflies taking off in her stomach again and _oh shit_.

They talk but not really for almost an hour. About Cosima getting her PhD and where she has been teaching and Delphine about life with a ten months old baby. It shouldn’t be so easy, but it is. There’s a distance between them, but Cosima can feel it slowly evaporating with every tick of the clock, and she knows she’s in deep, deep trouble. Delphine didn’t really change, not from the woman Cosima slowly got to know after the secret was out and they started rebuilding their relationship with honesty this time around. She’s still all hands flying in every direction when she explains something, eyes still shining with excitement. Her hair is longer than Cosima has ever seen it, pulled back into a slightly messy braid. It’s strange but comfortable, like the pants Delphine was wearing at the park the other day. They are new but they make sense, they fit with all that Cosima associates with Delphine. Warmth and a sense of coming home... Thankfully, when Cosima can feel words bubble up in her throat that would be best left unsaid, she receives an unexpected rescue in the form of high-pitched screaming.

“Texting back works wonders on communicating,” the guy passing a red-faced child into Delphine’s arms tells her before giving a curt nod at Cosima and she’s bristling and almost out of her chair when she catches the look in Delphine’s eyes that tells her to let it go.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t hear my phone,” she apologizes while gently bouncing her son and muttering to him in French.

“Listen, my lecture starts in twenty minutes,” the guy who must be Pascal tells her as he reaches for his son and runs a hand over his head, the baby turning away from him. “I left the bag at my office, ask someone and they’ll let you in.”

“Wait, your parents invited me to dinner tomorrow,” Delphine calls him back, causing Pascal to shrug.

“So?”

“So are you going to be there, too?” she rolls her eyes at him.

“Probably not, I have a stack of exams to work my way through,” he sighs and Cosima can see Delphine’s mouth twitch briefly before she nods.

“Okay,” she mutters, returning her attention to the baby and ignoring her ex as he walks away with a huff.

“Charming,” Cosima can’t help but observe. She wants to say more, wants to go on a long rant about this idiot that managed to annoy her within seconds, but figures it might now be her place. And how rude to ignore her!

“Don’t start,” Delphine shakes her head and suddenly, Cosima can see the tears brimming in her eyes.

“Shit, I’m so sorry,” she mutters before clamping a hand over her mouth when Delphine gives her a horrified look and she realizes that that might not be a word to use around a baby of that age.

“If that is his first word, I will come for you,” she tells her, turning her son around so he is facing the table. His face is still blotched from crying, but he’s stopped now and his green eyes are wide as he reaches for Delphine’s glass.

“Nope,” Cosima shakes her head and quickly pulls the glass out of the reach of the baby, who looks at her hand with fascination, making grabby hands. “You like jewelry, huh?” she asks and holds out her hand for Jean to inspect, the light reflecting off her rings catching the baby’s attention. Sam was easy to entertain at that age, too, and Jean proves to be no different. He’s content to sit on his mother’s lap and tug on Cosima’s fingers and her rings, twisting and turning them this way and that and watching them sparkle in the light.

“Would you mind coming to Pascal’s office with me?” Delphine asks her after a while, her voice tense. “I wouldn’t ask, but his colleagues…” she trails off, rubbing a hand down Jean’s back.

“Sure,” Cosima nods with a glance at her watch. Her office hours start in a little over an hour, plenty of time to spare. Which is a good thing, because as it turns out, Delphine’s former _whatever_ changed offices at the beginning of the term and they have to go search for it. By the time Delphine finally has the diaper bag and Jean is a happy kid with a fresh diaper again, there are fifteen minutes left for Cosima to make it halfway across campus to her office and she has to say a hasty goodbye. But even though it’s hasty, there’s a hug and a kiss to the cheek and she can feel herself blush furiously as she walks, slightly dazed, down the corridor.

_Oh shit ._

* * *

_Oh shit_ is also what Cosima is thinking when she’s sitting on her couch three weeks later, the damn beanie clutched in her hands.

Sarah stopped by earlier, because Kira still had that textbook Cosima had given her and forgot to return it. She didn’t say it, but Cosima knew that it had been Sarah’s way of trying to find a reason to visit. She could have mailed the book, or wait until Cosima would’ve been in Toronto again, but she didn’t.

Cosima had told them about running into Delphine. She’d had to, hadn’t been able to justify keeping that information to herself. Especially because Hannah and her family are so close, they need to know what risk they might be exposed to. Not that Cosima doesn’t trust Delphine, she does (and she steadfastly refuses to examine the reasons as to why that is). But she doesn’t get to make that decision for her sisters.

What she neglected to mention was that she is still seeing Delphine. Has visited her apartment and even volunteered for last minute baby-sitting. She likes Jean and Delphine hadn’t wanted to ask the boy’s father (Cosima still doesn’t know the story there, but she’s pretty sure she’ll find out sooner or later).

So she’s babysat Jean, at her apartment, because it had just been for a few hours and being alone at Delphine’s place would’ve been way too weird. And then Delphine had come to pick him up and they’d chatted and opened a bottle of wine and then exchanged some tipsy kisses before Delphine had practically fled from the apartment. With Jean’s stuff thrown into a bag haphazardly. And apparently, she’s forgotten the baby’s beanie. Which Sarah found, two days later. Which had led to an epic argument.

The thing is, Cosima can hear what Sarah is saying. That this will only end in heartbreak, that she trusted her once and paid for it with her heart (at least it hadn’t been her life, but maybe that would’ve been less painful). She’s not stupid, she can see the rational side of that argument quite clearly.

But Cosima’s heart has always been an irrational fool. Seeing her again made all the feelings she’s shoved in a drawer and locked ten times spring forth again, and now she’s looking for new ways to see her again. The previous times it was under the guise of catching up, but now that’s getting harder to be a valid excuse, and every time she’s close to her, Cosima’s heart is hammering just a bit more in her chest, threatening to jump from beneath her ribs and give her away…

And if she’s honest, she’s not entirely sure that Delphine doesn’t feel the same way about her. They never discussed it, and really, it should be Cosima bringing it up, especially because she was the one who walked out last time. Maybe Delphine got over whatever feelings she had and really moved on with her life. Maybe she’s just trying to be nice, sensing that Cosima didn’t really get closure the last time around and trying to make up for that. Though why she’d do that is beyond Cosima.

Sarah is right. She did what was best for her all those years ago when she broke it off with Delphine, when she packed her things and left. But who says that what was best for her over five years ago is also what’s best for her right now?

Before she can think twice about it, Cosima has her cellphone in her hand, thumb gliding over the display.

> _Forgot his hat @ my place. You @ home 2nite so I can drop it off?_

She waits, anxiously, biting her lip as the display dims and goes black, her knee bouncing as she sits, staring at the screen. As if she could make Delphine reply that way. And then she remembers the incident with Pascal and how Delphine seemed bad at replying to other people’s message and what if-

The phone vibrates in Cosima’s hands, making her jump in surprise as the screen lights up.

> _I was looking for it everywhere! Sure, no doorbell after 8, call cell._

Her heart should be slowing down now, but Cosima can feel it racing, her hands clammy as she is holding onto her phone like a lifeline, trying to take a breath and ignore the sudden nausea settling in her stomach.

 

* * *

“Sorry, so sorry,” Cosima apologizes, head ducked into her jacket, but then the sight of Delphine holding her son registers, and the other woman doesn’t look mad, even though it’s ten past eight and Cosima did ring the forbidden doorbell. No, she looks flustered, her cheeks tinted with a soft blush-

“No, it’s alright,” she shakes her head, taking a step to the side to allow Cosima inside. “We’re running a little behind, he brought up his dinner again after I already had him in PJs.”

At that, Cosima cringes, her hand automatically stretching so she can feel Jean’s forehead.

“He doesn’t seem warm?” she observes, blushing at little at Delphine’s look of surprise. She quickly pulls her hand back, withdrawing into her leather jacket again. She ought to take this off, before Delphine asks for the beanie and then throws her out again-

“Pascal and I had a… _conversation_. I think he already gave him something before he brought him back here and he is his father’s son, he can’t say no to food,” the blonde shakes her head, blowing a curl of hair from her face. Cosima never noticed it before, but Jean has her hair. Fluffy blonde curls.

“I’m sorry, give me ten more minutes,” she apologizes when the baby gurgles and starts kicking in her arms. Cosima quickly nods.

“Sure, take your time,” she tells her, slowly making her way to the living room as Delphine and Jean disappear down the hall to the nursery. The babyphone is on in the living room and Cosima can feel a smile spreading across her face as she listens to Delphine talk to her son softly, Jean replying with nonsense sounds.

_Oh shit._

She takes off her jacket and rubs her arms, casting a look around. There are toys strewn all over the place, making Cosima frown. Last time she was here, everything was tidy. It had been earlier, Jean had been napping and she’d left before the boy had woken up again.

With a shrug, Cosima begins to busy herself with cleaning up the toys. At least it keeps her hands busy and her mind from racing. She doesn’t realize how much time passes, but just as she throws the last wooden block in the box on the floor, Delphine appears, her hair tied back in a lazy bun, arms wrapped around her middle to keep her cardigan closed.

“Is he sleeping?” Cosima asks her stupidly, causing Delphine to motion in the direction of the baby monitor, the control light blinking.

“Seems like it,” she declares, casting a glance back down the hall before she closes the door to the living room. She seems nervous, for some reason, and it’s only then that Cosima remembers what happened between them the last time they saw each other, and how on earth had she forgotten about that kiss?

“I-” they both start at the same time, breaking off with a startled laugh.

“You first,” Delphine tells her, slowly sitting down on her couch, one leg tucked beneath her body.

“Sarah and I also had a _conversation_ ,” Cosima admits, using the same inflection that Delphine did earlier. It makes the blonde furrow her brows in that adorable way; Delphine when she’s confused has always been a cute sight.

“She told me what an idiot I am,” she continues and watches the other woman’s reactions closely. There is confusion and anger and then… sadness?

“Oh,” Delphine breathes and Cosima can see her swallowing, sees her shoulders tense and Delphine sit up a little straighter. “She’s right, I suppose,” the French woman adds, teeth flashing as she worries at her lip. “Not that you are an idiot, but…” she trails off, gesticulating between them. “I have a son.”

“I noticed,” Cosima nods, flopping down in the armchair and running her hands through her hair. “The thing is, Sarah has made some pretty idiotic decisions herself. And I’ve always felt like, maybe, that leaving… was a pretty stupid move, too.”

Now it’s out. The truth she’s been trying to hide, trying to ignore. It’s not everything Cosima wants to say. It’s missing the little fact that she can’t stop thinking about Delphine, can’t stop thinking about that kiss, can’t stop dreaming about her. Not necessarily sexual dreams, but- there’s one that she hasn’t had in years, where she’s sick and Delphine is lying next to her in bed, her hand moving up and down Cosima’s back as she hums a melody that seems vaguely familiar to Cosima. And she’s never felt as save, as protected, as loved as she did in that moment. She hadn’t had that dream in years, but it’s made an appearance again now, after Delphine stumbled back into her life.

Delphine swallows again, her eyes closing.

“I missed you,” she breathes before opening her eyes wide, and Cosima can see the tears brimming in them. “I understood, in a way, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. And I, I tried, to let you go. If that was what you needed, then who was I to stop you? So I tried, to pick up the pieces of my own life. And then I met Pascal, and I wanted to love him, I did, but every time he kissed me in the beginning, all I could think about was that he wasn’t you, he wasn’t who I wanted-”

Delphine cuts herself off with a hand pressed over her mouth and a shuddering breath. Cosima wants to say something, wants to apologize, wants to reach out and comfort, but there is something in the other scientist’s posture that makes her stay back, makes her refrain from touching her.

“But as much as I might want to, give us another chance, I can’t. I can’t do that, not after last time. Not when I can’t be sure that you’re not just going to up and disappear again. It would kill me, and more than that, I can’t do that to Jean,” Delphine shakes her head, and Cosima is suddenly positive that you can hear hearts shattering, and that it was not just her own that made that sound just now.

She reaches up and wipes at the tears that are welling up, and now Sarah is right, this _is_ stupid. She’s a grown ass woman, she’s gotten rejected before, there is no need to fucking bawl like a baby-

The sniffle coming from Delphine makes her look at the other woman again, and her chest suddenly feels too small for her lungs, because Delphine’s eyes are red and her chin is trembling and there is an expression in her eyes that Cosima remembers all too well from years ago, from _Please just listen to me!_ and _I wasn’t supposed to fall for you_ and _This is not a lie!_

“I’m not, I’m not that person any more,” she offers weakly. When she walked away, Delphine chose not to fight for her, because she didn’t want to hurt her, maybe, or because she didn’t feel like it was her place to do so. But Cosima can chose to fight.

“I’m an adult, I can’t just, up and leave-”

“Do you have any idea what kind of responsibility you are talking about?” Delphine asks her, wiping at her nose before she gets up and grabs a tissue from the box by the TV. “Do you understand what being a parent means?”

“Do you get what it’s like, being a clone?” Cosima throws at her, anger coiling in her stomach. “To have a killer hunt people that look just like you all over Europe, to have that killer come to your country, to be spied on by the people you trust? To have a family of women that look exactly like you and to want to protect them, even if it’s going to cost your life?”

At that, Delphine deflates and she inclines her head.

“No,” she mutters, tugging at the tissue in her hands before she looks up again, looks at Cosima and searches her face. “I…am not ready,” she whispers finally, after what feels like an eternity in which Cosima can’t move, can’t even breathe. The brunette lets out a soft sound, furrowing her brows before she nods.

“Okay, yeah, well,” she mutters before closing her eyes. One deep breath, and exhale. Okay, start over.

“I can wait,” she offers, spreading her hands. “Like, I told you, I’m not gonna run, not again. I got plenty of time, at least it’s a couple more weeks until this semester is over. If you want to, we can like, take it really slow. Like, tectonic shift speed.”

“Meaning that this is gonna result in a huge earthquake?” Delphine raises her eyebrows and it makes Cosima grin at her when she sees her lips tug upwards a little.

“Well, you rock my world,” she teases before sobering. “Seriously though. I’m patient.”

At that, Delphine lets out a teary laugh and Cosima rolls her eyes.

“I find that hard to believe,” her former lover says, tilting her head slightly.

“Told you, not that person any more,” Cosima shrugs and Delphine sobers, searching her face again before she looks away. “Delphine?”

“I’m not making any promises,” she finally replies, her eyes flickering back to Cosima briefly before she’s frowning at the baby monitor.

“I’m just asking for you to give me a chance,” Cosima shrugs, pulling Jean’s hat from her jacket and holding it out to Delphine. The other woman hesitates before she steps closer, gently taking the beanie, her fingers brushing against Cosima’s.

“Okay.”

The sound is so soft that if Cosima hadn’t been holding her breath, she’d probably have missed it. As it is, her heart starts fluttering in her chest again, in time with the thousands of butterflies taking off in her stomach.

“Cool,” she nods, grinning at Delphine and laughing when the other woman can’t help but return the gesture.

 

* * *

Cosima’s arms are wrapped around Delphine’s neck, her head resting on top of her lover’s curls. Delphine’s still sitting at the table, watching the others.

There’s something really weird in seeing five copies of yourself dance around a yard, teenagers jumping around them. Sarah is holding onto her brother’s hands, laughing with him as Kira dashes away under their arms, grabbing Oscar and dragging him off.

Hannah is balancing Jean on her hip, holding one of his hands as she dances with the little boy, saying something to her daughter that prompts Sam to cross her arms at her, and then Hannah laughs and sets Jean down, pointing him in the direction of his mother. The little boy takes off, squealing as he runs over the grass and Cosima lets her arms fall away so that Delphine can lean forward and catch him, using the momentum to stand and throw the boy into the air.

“Happy birthday,” she mutters and presses another kiss to his cheek after she’s caught him, Jean grinning as he throws his weight into Cosima’s direction.

“Oof,” she laughs as she takes him from Delphine’s arms and Jean wraps his arms around her neck, hugging her tightly. There’s a worried crease between Delphine’s eyebrows but Cosima winks at her. She can breathe just fine, he’s not strangling her. And even if he were, Cosima doubts she’d tell the boy to let go.

It’s strange, the amount of love she has for him. She loves Delphine, and she loves Jean, and those are two completely different kinds of love, but they’re just as intense. She hasn’t thought of the little guy as Delphine’s son in months, has been thinking of him as _theirs_ , as _her_ son, _her child_. Him and Delphine, they’re her family. Like Sarah and Alison and Hannah and Carrie and Joan, but they’re different. Cosima would die for any of them, but if she lost Delphine, if she lost Jean, she’s sure that that would kill her as much as a bullet to the head would.

They got married almost three months ago. In a little ceremony, with just Jean and Felix and Hannah. Cosima would have wanted the others there, too, but that would have been way too weird. They can’t really do that sort of thing, appear together, all of them, in public. And besides, Sarah and Alison were in Toronto, and the kids had school, and Carrie was busy flying halfway around the world, and Joan was… being Joan (Cosima long ago stopped asking what shenanigans the other woman was up to, at least her wild streak never came with handcuffs and convictions and jail). So it was her, Delphine, Hannah, Jean and Felix, who’d been tasked with keeping the little guy entertained long enough for the two women to say “I do”.

Pascal doesn’t want her to adopt Jean, and Cosima understands that. At least he can look at her, and he doesn’t argue when Jean calls her “Mommy”, not any more. They had a rather rough patch, in the beginning, when they were slowly figuring things out, and Cosima admits that she might have overstepped a few times. But they learned and still are learning, but she likes that, and she loves that she’s learning all this with Delphine at her side.

She wanted to throw the party. Delphine had rolled her eyes and told her that it was unnecessary, that Jean would not remember it either way, but Cosima had refused to let that deter her. When Jean turned one, she was still “Cosima” whenever Delphine introduced her, and Jean was still “Delphine’s son”. Now, on his second birthday, she’s “Cosima, my wife” and Jean is “our son”, and maybe she is a huge sap, but screw it, Cosima wanted today to be really special. So what if she went a little overboard on the balloons and the cake? She’s, after all, still learning. And the joy in Jean’s eyes made up for the cringing she did at seeing the bills, and she did see Delphine trying to be subtle in wiping away a tear or two earlier.

“You are spoiling him,” Delphine reminds her again when Cosima offers Jean a spoonful of cake and Cosima shrugs at her, setting the boy down when he spies Gemma trying to teach Carrie some weird dance.

“I can’t hear him complaining,” she tells her wife (her _wife_ ), grinning at her. Delphine shakes her head in exasperation but then she leans in and kisses Cosima, the kind of kiss that makes her body tingle and the breath hitch in her throat.

“You think it’s too late to ask Alison to babysit?” she murmurs against Delphine’s lips.

“It might be, after all the sugar he has had,” the blonde woman replies, nipping at Cosima’s bottom lip. “Good thing I already did that when they arrived, though.”

Cosima lets out a soft hum of appreciation at that.

“You’re perfect,” she mutters, wrapping her arms around Delphine’s neck again, swaying her body slightly to the music as she kisses her.

“Oi!” Sarah’s voice carries over to them. “Minors watching!”

Delphine is grinning against her lips before she straightens, casting a look over her shoulder at the British woman, her hands up in the air in a gesture of surrender-slash-apology.

“You’re just jealous,” Joan teases, her Southern drawl a sharp contrast to Sarah’s voice.

“Behave, children,” Carrie laughs, shoving at Joan’s shoulder before dancing out of her reach.

“They are nuts,” Cosima mutters, observing her sisters as they start wrestling with each other.

“I like them,” Delphine shrugs, causing Cosima to narrow her eyes at her wife. “Don’t worry, it’s you I love,” she assures her with a soft peck on the lips.

“Don’t you forget it,” Cosima mock-grumbles, feeling Delphine’s hands settle on her waist.

“Never,” she responds, sincerity shining in her eyes, and Cosima has to swallow the lump in her throat.

“I love you, too,” she finally croaks out, and Delphine shakes her head at her before leaning back down for another kiss. One that makes her heart sing.

_fin._


End file.
